Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Of All the Lies

*Out of all the lies you said to me,
Some of them, I would want to keep and I would never forget;

*When you said, I want to break your new relationship;
*When you said, I used you;
*When you compared me with him 
and when I compared myself with him you asked, "tu hota kaun hai be";

*When you said, I am important to you;
*When you said, my birthday is the most awaited day of the year,
and the way you celebrated your most awaited day of the year;
*When you said, you would always care for me,
For the locks of despair, 
you would have the key;
*When you said, you would never let my eyes go wet,
Happiness would be around, no tears to shed;

*When you said, you would be always by my side,
*When you said, you would always respect my feelings,
Despite of all fights on those silly things;
*When you said, I have ruined your life;
*When you said, even if I don't talk to you, 
you would call me every now and then to check on me;

*When you said, you are afraid of losing me,
There will be loneliness, you don't want to feel;
*When you said you would never let me go,
and every time I tried to leave, 
it was like you were already waiting for me to go;
*When you said there will always be my importance in your life, 
whatever situations life may show;

Now I look around me and see darkness everywhere;
I know priorities change, people change,
but out of all of them you changing for your MR. PERFECT is the last thing I expected.

Monday, August 27, 2018

To the best friend who never was

To the best friend who never was,
Thirteen days since we last hugged, thirteen days since we last called and thirteen since we last texted. Honestly, the pronoun, “We” in this context seems just as insignificant as your presence these days.
It's funny almost how, trust is stacked up atom by atom, but comes falling down with one crack. And as much as I hate to address this to you, I realized that I must, for you left me alone in the middle of a hurricane, and I am done holding on.
The other day, when your profile showed up under “Add friend” tab on Facebook, it felt like the closest to experiencing nostalgia I've ever been. If I do not consider the act of restraining my own memories every time your name popped up on my phone, or when I scrolled past your contact on WhatsApp. Or, how I didn't breathe for complete five minutes when you started a conversation after full 3 days of silence and leaving my judgment impaired. My brain sending signals not to trust you, while my heart pleaded otherwise.
You see, I really believed you when you said I am important to you. You lived for hyperboles, right? But no, for you it was just a quote you told everyone. Everyone.
And I dare say, you gaslighted me to a point where I actually started thinking that I did matter to you, regardless of anything. That you did care, that you will always be here. But, no. You always begged to differ.
I never thought that you are also a person who believes that when a part of relationship is over, everything ends, no friendship, nothing. Whether that person lives or dies, it is none of your business.
Life is pretty much the same without you. I still crack bad jokes and laugh at them. Insecurities and anxiety still resurface, from time to time. There is no point denying that I did learn many things after you left, but I will take only one to my grave, that is, to never trust tears of anyone. It is just a blunt way of hiding one's expressionless face.
We could have crossed various bridges, inhaled in new cultures and experiences, only if you weren't too busy burning them in the first place.
Not anymore.