Waking up empty and into a black and white morning, feeling something dark leaking inside you. Or not sleeping whole night.
Listening to a particular song and a part of lyrics hits you so hard in the gut that you wanna go into a corner and just cry but can't because it's middle of the day and you're in office.
Thinking to yourself, what can you do to ease the pain of someone close to you and the only solution that repeatedly comes to your mind is, leave them. They're better off without you. They don't care about you anymore. They have their new priorities and you are a dumb piece of shit to them who makes no difference whether you are staying or not. They want you to go. They are signalling you but can't tell you directly. You are a trash bin who is used to vent out the anger they have of their new priority because they can't vent out on them. It will hurt their feelings. But you my friend, have no feelings.
Don't expect anything from them now. If they care about you they would have tried to make up for the things they have done and wouldn't have made it worse by giving fake expectations. They are not busy. They have time to talk to, meet on more then a regular basis with their new priority but you my friend doesn't matter anymore. According to a saying no one is too busy, it's just an excuse. If you matter to someone they will find a way to talk to you or meet you, if not then you should find your way out.
If you would have mattered, you wouldn't have heard what all is told to you. If you were important at least they would have tried to stop you. Don't believe what they say. Some people are so good with words and can say anything which they don't even mean and don't even remember that they said that, but you will feel good. Their actions will tell an entirely different story. All the things which you think are for you are for their new priority.
Try to forget the songs they sent you and told that every word of the song is for you. That's just another way of making you feel good. If you doubt that listen to that song once again for me and compare the songs with their actions. You will get the answer, my friend.
When it rains a little and you do not think of the present or the future, but memories from the past just crawls up to you saying you'll never be happy again.
Even though you know somethings were never yours to keep in the first place, but still with every sunset that you accidentally see reminds you of what a great loss it has been.
When you achieve something, do something crazy or just out of routine and you wanna share it with someone, but you can't. You just can't. There are a lot of such feelings, not random but occur randomly; that you can't share with anyone. How will you? How can you? You can't just say I woke up and felt more dead than ever or I just saw the sunset while coming back and I think it was more orange and sadder this time around! How will you? They will either not pick up your call or will hang up after a minute because their new priority is calling them. Or they will laugh at you.
You can't share things because you don't know how to. Not anymore.
And to all those going through the same, I have no advice for you. Just lots of good luck and well wishes that you be okay